On Holiday - Be Back Soon

Melbourne, home of the cultured Australian, the tennis (I think I'm getting behind Andy Murray for the Australian Open title), and temporarily - me.

I'm here for a mate's wedding and have been doing the rounds. In lieu of my promised blog overhaul, I'm going to regale you with things I've learned since returning to my homeland.

Facebook is a Complicated Whore
It's pretty safe to say I haven't mastered the thing. I've tried deactivating it, oversharing, public posts, and adopting my online persona all with ill-fated timings. I got scolded last night for deleting family friends and this morning I got scolded for being incessant. I've been told that my status updates are disgusting and deranged, yet I still persevere with my tripe. I feel like a fat kid eating cake who only wants more pie. And when you offend them, a simple "welcome to the Internet" - doesn't seem to cut it. What gives?

If only people at their keyboards were escorted by this fellow.

You don't have any news

You could have:

*Gone on 20 dates (did happen)

*Been to eight different countries since seeing them (did happen)

*Got a new job (did happen)

*Rode on a unicorn made of bacon and vomited magic rainbows (may have happened)

But thanks to the above this news is müt. You could say that this is due to my affinity for sharing the news on aforementioned platform but shutup.

You've been told.

Australian TV is really, really shit

I used to read about the abomination that was The Project. But never thought I'd be exposed to it. Until my stint at my Mum's in Traralgon. It was left on and it was like being anally compromised with a pine-cone (hasn't happened). The self-serving drivel seems to be an institution in this country. All I can surmise is that the collective amount of bile produced from watching Charlie Pickering's smug adulation has export value.

A more smug, self-adulating wanker I am yet to come across.

Australia's still home

I may be jetsetting Australasian these days, but I still love getting back to my town and knowing where to go, walk around, and eat. I took secret pride in the fact that my sister was asking for directions through the Melbourne CBD, and being able to get from a friend's house to my Mum's in less than five minutes in Traralgon almost makes it better than Changi Airport.

Almost.

There's stuff going on with the usual stuff, but I'll revisit them next time.